The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the
hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market.
    They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Investment Opportunity


If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago,

it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.-

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00
worth of Beer one year ago,
drank all the beer then turned in the cans for the aluminum
recycling REFUND,
you would have had


Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and

It's called the 401 Keg Plan

The Bathtub  Test

It  doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this  should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a  visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether  or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the  Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and  a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the  bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person  would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the  teacup.

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the  plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"


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